I can’t help myself because I’m lacking confidence, self-esteem and providence. I can’t come up with a solution; I can’t free myself from this misery. I’m furious with everyone who tries to talk to me. I am inconsolable right now.
I guess I’m just sick of people not recognizing me, people not saying thank you and or giving me credit when I deserve it. Bear in mind: I don’t live for this stuff, but it would sure make me feel a whole lot better.
I am officially crying.
I hope you understand that I am saying this not only because I’m feeling low and miserable, but also because when I get emotional, I often make the best decisions.
When I’m outside the city, I will be away from all my problems. I can make a fresh new start. I will be living and studying with strangers. It will feel good. I will avoid phone calls from family members because I wouldn’t want them to hear how wonderfully my life is going without them. I will probably officially divorce my husband and get a new one; someone who listens to me, and understands me.
And you know what? The transition period might be painfully difficult for me, but I always suffer on my own so I can heal on my own. I will finally show the world that they didn’t break me, I am still here. I will be independent. I won’t be lonely; I will have myself. And constantly, portraits of my husband with his mistress might pop in my head. And I will blame the world for that. I will blame my system, my parents and everyone else for that because I know that I will have done everything in my power to change the cards.
Sometimes under that jovial smile and high-pitched laugh, there is a grieving heart. Hearts aren’t just ordinary organs, they pump blood to the rest of the body and oh yes, they’re also the basis of someone’s deepest and sincerest feelings. I don’t want to be there, feeling that way. Why put myself under all that when I can leave the city and avoid everything that has the word pessimism on it? Why stay stuck in despair when I can kiss sorrow goodbye and move on to the next chapter of my life?
If people could cry blood as a show of pain and hurting, I’d have a bucket full of bloody tears. Not a pretty picture, I know. But life isn’t pretty, it’s daunting and it’s either a matter of not living it (in other words: not doing anything remarkable), or living and sacrificing a whole lot for…nothing really, just material and people who pretend – pretend to like you until they suck everything they could possible get out of you. Then you’re done, but they’re not. They’ll move on to a better person, someone who is more beautiful, younger and wealthier – then what? You will reflect on your life and your achievements (starting a family, launching a company, starting a foundation etc.) and ask yourself: ‘What was it all for?’ and really, how many of these things did you do for yourself? That is the true reflection. That is the true measurement of your life’s purpose and value. So do it. And say to yourself: I don’t need material – or people – to make me happy. I just need me.
Wherever I end up and whatever I do, all that matters is that if I fall back, and if I experience inevitable adversity in life, at least I have ME to fall back on. And I'm happy with that.
I am officially crying.
I hope you understand that I am saying this not only because I’m feeling low and miserable, but also because when I get emotional, I often make the best decisions.
When I’m outside the city, I will be away from all my problems. I can make a fresh new start. I will be living and studying with strangers. It will feel good. I will avoid phone calls from family members because I wouldn’t want them to hear how wonderfully my life is going without them. I will probably officially divorce my husband and get a new one; someone who listens to me, and understands me.
And you know what? The transition period might be painfully difficult for me, but I always suffer on my own so I can heal on my own. I will finally show the world that they didn’t break me, I am still here. I will be independent. I won’t be lonely; I will have myself. And constantly, portraits of my husband with his mistress might pop in my head. And I will blame the world for that. I will blame my system, my parents and everyone else for that because I know that I will have done everything in my power to change the cards.
Sometimes under that jovial smile and high-pitched laugh, there is a grieving heart. Hearts aren’t just ordinary organs, they pump blood to the rest of the body and oh yes, they’re also the basis of someone’s deepest and sincerest feelings. I don’t want to be there, feeling that way. Why put myself under all that when I can leave the city and avoid everything that has the word pessimism on it? Why stay stuck in despair when I can kiss sorrow goodbye and move on to the next chapter of my life?
If people could cry blood as a show of pain and hurting, I’d have a bucket full of bloody tears. Not a pretty picture, I know. But life isn’t pretty, it’s daunting and it’s either a matter of not living it (in other words: not doing anything remarkable), or living and sacrificing a whole lot for…nothing really, just material and people who pretend – pretend to like you until they suck everything they could possible get out of you. Then you’re done, but they’re not. They’ll move on to a better person, someone who is more beautiful, younger and wealthier – then what? You will reflect on your life and your achievements (starting a family, launching a company, starting a foundation etc.) and ask yourself: ‘What was it all for?’ and really, how many of these things did you do for yourself? That is the true reflection. That is the true measurement of your life’s purpose and value. So do it. And say to yourself: I don’t need material – or people – to make me happy. I just need me.
Wherever I end up and whatever I do, all that matters is that if I fall back, and if I experience inevitable adversity in life, at least I have ME to fall back on. And I'm happy with that.